Forgiving an Affair?
The discovery
of an affair will attack you with shock, anger and
numbness. No matter what way you choose to react, your
surroundings will look the same afterwards because you
have not yet started coping with what has transpired.
You find that you are suddenly lost due to being caught
off guard. You never thought this would happen to you.
So
when it does, what should you do when this painful truth
is revealed and how can you forgive it?
ANSWER:
The first thing
to do when you find out that your partner has been
cheating is to allow your emotions to flow out of your
body.
Holding your feelings in
will only make you feel worse and cause a tremendous
amount of stress both physically and mentally.
Once you have
expressed your instant reaction, you can start thinking
more slowly and rationally. You will start examining
your relationship, wondering where it went wrong and if
it was ever as wonderful as you claimed it to be. You
will create a chain of questions that have not yet been
answered and will start feeling farther and farther away
from getting any of them answered. Everything will be
sorted out in time, but first thing's first. . . getting
your emotions sorted out.
Once your emotions have
been expressed and sorted out,
it is important to remember to not
give the affair more power over your life than it
deserves,
even though at the time being, it feels like the end of
the world. The fact of the matter is, it is not the end
of the world, but has changed your world and the way you
look at it, which is understandable. Know that your
partner's affair has nothing to do with his or her love
for you, nor does it make you a failure in
relationships. What the affair does tell you though, is
that there are essential issues that need to be
addressed. It is normal to be angry and unable to calmly
discuss this with your partner, so let him or her know
that (without getting violent or throwing them out of
course). Let him or her know that you are deeply hurt
and angry that they chose an affair as a way to deal
with the issues in your relationship and you are not
ready to talk about it just yet. . .
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